I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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