just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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