yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
