it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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