All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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