I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
