I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
