sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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