My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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