But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
