don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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