either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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