A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
