no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
