I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
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