I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
