it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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