this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
