I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
id be glad to
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
