Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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