omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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