I can text with my tongue
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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