omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
