Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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