he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
