someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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