I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize