i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
