did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
