i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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