Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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