The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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