Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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