In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you win again, gameday.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
