if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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