i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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