I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
