"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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