After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
