He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
