I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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