She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
