Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
