I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
