Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
