I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
