Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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