if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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