she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
