No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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