I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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