Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
