WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
