Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
