I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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