i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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