I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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