I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Never underestimate the power of titties
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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