The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
