dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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