Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
