Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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