I'm jealous of your bromance
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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