i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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